www.swiftlyarriving.tumblr.com

go there. 

The winds of change are blowing!

Hi Lovely Blog Friends,

Times are changing and so is my blog. Follow me on over to www.swiftlyarriving.tumblr.com (no thats not a spelling mistake, there's no 'e' in tumblr. 

So there you have it. Its a different feel....and i like it. 

Click HERE to see the new me. 

I'm going to be adding a comments section so be looking for that soon. The kinks are being worked out too so forgive me. 

See ya THERE!

Love Amy

Kingdom Comes- Sara Groves

When anger fills your heart 
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse

When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying 
In the laying down and dying

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming 

My friends are cool....

.... so cool in fact that at 8am this morning, 25ish of them hopped on their bikes and began a 10 day, 1000 km ride around lake ontario for Africycle. Check it out HERE. 

This week.

A little bit of love goes a long way. We’ve all heard it said but do we really believe it? And if we really believe it, do we love like we believe it? I was beautifully reminded this week that it is true. A little bit of love goes a long way. 

My roommate and fellow volunteer, Jenn, had invited some girls from The Bridge to the movies. One didn’t show up and the one who did, S, arrived with her infamous attitude in tow. Jenn excitedly told her that while the 10 pm show was sold out, she got 3 tickets to the 10:30 showing. S lost it. She laid into Jenn about how she had paid 10 dollars to get dropped off, had a pass from the shelter she lived at only til midnight and blamed Jenn for it all. I told S that her attitude sucked, that she her tone was disrespectful and that if she would calm down, we’d all figure out a way to remedy the situation. This only got S more riled up and when she pulled the “when’s the last time you lived in a shelter’ card”, Jenn and I backed away and began to pray for patience, guidance and a loving attitude. S couldn’t see past her own anger and as we began talking in circles again, I told Jenn to go enjoy the movie and I’d figure stuff out. I told S that I would have loved to give her a ride home but that with the way she treated Jenn, and the way she spoke to me, I really didn’t want to. I walked across the street and as I opened the car door, she yelled at me from across the street. “Get in!” I said coldly. 

I wanted to drive her to the shelter in silence and get on with my night....but I couldn’t. I told her that no one at The Bridge was paid to be there. We spent our weekends there because we want to, because we love her and the rest of the kids regardless of if they love us back. This tough kid who lies and manipulates and has spent her life just trying to survive, started to cry. She told me how she had spent her life being disrespected, being neglected, living on friends couches in between shelter stays and foster homes. At 19, she was living a life of anger, desperation and hopelessness. 

“Lets go get something to eat” I said. As we sat down with her food at Wendy’s, she started talking and didn’t stop for an hour. When I dropped her off at the shelter, she looked at me and said she was sorry for acting the way she did and that she appreciated the food. I told her that we all get upset and thats ok. It’s how we react when we’re upset that matters and the way she reacted was not right and she owed Jenn an apology. She assured me she would. 

The next day Jenn and I are grabbing a coffee and S runs up to the car and taps on the window. Jenn opens the door and before she can say hello, S is apologizing. 

A little bit of love goes a long way. S wants what I want, what Jenn wants, what we all want. She wants to be known. She wants to be loved. The beauty is what happens when a kid like S, gets a little bit of that love that they long for. It changes them. It lets S know that there are people who care about her. Yes, she lives in a shelter, and yes she’s lived a life I can’t even imagine, but she’s loved. And now that she’s had a taste of that love, she’ll want more. 

“Lord, you are my God, I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness, you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.”- Isaiah 25:1

The last 2 weeks in photo journal format.

A good portion of my time is spent here. This is the view from my favorite rock. I often go to this spot with my bible, journal and Ipod and spend some quality time with the Lord.

I've also been spending a good amount of time with this lady. She works at The Bridge and she is lovingly referred to as my "peterborough mom". We often eat lunch together in the park across from the office. She's a wonderful woman and a beautiful friend. 
My dear Robyn turned 17 this week and we threw a little birthday party for her down at the Silver Bean Cafe. 
My sister, her husband (not pictured- that guy is steve), and her 2 crazy adorable kids, Ava and Carter, came to visit for 2 days. It was exhausting and so much fun. My lovely roommate Tori came back to town (she goes home in the summers) to hang out for a night and her and I, along with a bunch of friends, got all fancied up and went to the Distillery District in Toronto. It was a great night. 

These last 2 weeks have been crazy busy. The end of my summer semester is near, my last exam is 9am on monday and I'm in the midst of studying. Its for pharmacology- a class i absolutely love! Yesterday some friends and I went to this old rock quarry near town and spent the afternoon swimming and exploring and having a blast. Have i mentioned lately that I love my life here?

Last night was The Bridge and I'm now a 'supervisor'! Exciting stuff! That's all for now. Peace. 

Rachel- Email me info about your wedding already!

Death Bed- Reliant K.

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

The year was nineteen forty one
I was eight years old and
Far far too young
To know that the stories
Of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother
Made up for her son
You see
Dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the Teacher
But mother had sworn
Went off to the war
And died there with honor
Somewhere on a beach there
But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought
Like he abandoned me

By forty seven I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up
Yet I still lit 'em up for thirty more years
Like a machine

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

I got married on my twenty first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When her father inquires with the barrel of a gun
The union was far from harmonious
No two people could have been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I realized I hadn't been loved yet myself

And there's your typical spiel
Yeah if life was a highway
I was drunk at the wheel
I was helping the loose ends
All fall apart
Yeah I swear I was destined to fail
And fail from the start

I bowled about six times a week

The bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
The marriage had taken a seven-ten split
Along with my pride the ex-wife took the kids

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

I was so scared of Jesus
But He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs
That's killing me now
And I've given up hope
On the days I have left
But I cling to the hope
Of my life in the next
Then Jesus showed up
Said "Before we go"
"I thought that we might reminisce"
"See one night in your life"
"When you turned out the light"
"You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"

You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear You whisper to me,
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

[Jon Foreman of Switchfoot sings, as the voice of Jesus:]
I am the Way
Follow Me
And take My hand
And I am the Truth
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light
And for Me you'll live again
For I am Love
I am Love
I, I am Love 

Rachel's Big News

My beautiful friend Rachel.....

 commented that she has big news to tell me. Due to the fact that I can't find her or Arielle's phone number, I'm dedicating this post to her big news. 

I'm thinking 2 things could be the big news. The first, is that Ellen invited Air and Rach to her show to hang out and talk about their awesome times experiences in Uganda.

Ellen was a HUGE support to the three of us.....

... while we were there. Ellen was always there to lift our spirits and was always the first one to suggest we dance our stresses out. She even had her own room which she kindly let Air and Rach store the bags and bags of shoes these 2 awesome girls collected to bring to Uganda. Ellen even let Rach borrow her air cast shoes! She's so generous!

Now for the big news.  I've always known Rachel to a touch fanatical about the rennisance period. And I know for a FACT that were her and her wonderful boyfriend Napthali to get engaged she would have a themed wedding. After all... who doesn't LOVE theme weddings right?
I've been told I look phenomenal in crushed velvet and as a bridesmaid (RIGHT RACH?!) I'll pull off the classic, floor length, long sleeve excellently. 

Rach. If i'm right and I have a feeling I am....the three of us....

... are going to experience the best reunion.....

the world has ever seen.....

It's going to be so fantastic that we'll have to eat chicken with this guy again. 

My dear Rach. I am SO happy for you and Nap and I cannot WAIT to be with you when you guys start your life together. 

Now tell me if i'm right or if i need to delete this post. 

Birth

I saw a c-section at clinical on friday. It was intense. I had no idea the beating a woman's body takes during that whole crazy process. My baby fever has officially been cured. 

The only way out.

I've been going strong for almost 10 months now. School is beating the life out of me and I'm desperate for a break. With 2 weeks till my exams start I'm beginning to fall apart. I'm over tired, way to stressed, overwhelmed and emotional beyond belief. Basically I'm a joy to be around right now.... wait. That should actually read "I'm annoying and miserable and snap at the drop of a hat." Ya- thats better. But don't worry. This post isn't a pity party. Its a swift kick in the pants for myself... which is exactly what I need.

I went to The Bridge to pick up the chapter that we're discussing from The Calvary Road today at this womens group I go to. The chapter is about revival in the home and as I read it after I had screamed into my pillow for a good while and cried and cried on the phone with my mom while desperately trying to finish a paper on cerebral vascular accidents (thrilling!) I thought there was nothing in it for me. Nope. Not one thing. In fact, I decided I was much too tired and much to upset to read my bible and journal like I normally do before sleep.

This morning I woke up early to catch the early bus to school. When i looked at my watch after a good while of waiting at the stop, it read 8:12am. Great. I got up early, got to the stop early, and still somehow missed the bus. So i waited till the 8:30 rolled around. In the meantime I took out the chapter and began reading it again.

"All the things that come between us and others, come between us and God and spoil our fellowship with Him, so that are hearts are not overflowing with the Divine Life."..... Dang. I guess what explains why I didn't want to pick up my bible because I was too angry at the guy I was writing this paper with.

"We think know best, we want our way and we nag or boss the other one; and nagging or bossing leads to the tendency to despise the other one." ...... Um... I guess thats why I was screaming at my computer. My way IS the best though... isn't it?!

"Now the question is, do i want new life, revival in my home? I have got to challenge my heart about this. Am i prepared to continue in this state or am I really hungry for new life, His life in my home?" .........For sure I do. I mean... thats what I've been saying this whole time. I guess i just haven't been acting like it.

"Again and again we will see places where we must yield up our rights, as Jesus yielded up His for us. We shall have to see that the thing in us that reacts so sharply to another's selfishness and pride, is simply our own selfishness and pride, which we are unwilling to sacrifice. " It was at this point in reading that I got it.

I am SO selfish. If something isn't done MY way, there is no way it could possibly be done right. This paper I had to write with another student for example... nothing was good enough. I got so so so worked up over a dumb paper that it actually ruined my night and my mom's because I was on the phone with her a good part of the evening (sorry ma!). My bad attitude and my impatience effected the quality of work I did and effected my partner's too. Who wants to work with someone who is unreasonable and bossy? Not me! But I defintely was that person last night.

"As we bow the neck at the Cross, His self-forgetful love for others, His longsuffering, and forbearance flow into our hearts. The precious Blood cleanses us from the unlove and illwill and the Holy Spirit fills us with the very nature of Jesus."

I wish there was a word that meant more than THANK YOU. Because if there was, thats what I'd be saying to the Lord right now. I'm a mess but I'm so thankful and grateful that the Lord I serve is a pro a cleaning up messes.... and making those messes into something beautiful. Now if you'll excuse me... I have some hardcore apologizing to do.

Calculation Theme

I was sitting in the library at the hospital where I'm doing my clinical. I was sitting there because I've been barely human for the last while. I was sitting there because I did not -at all- want to be near other people. Then my phone beeps. A new message.......

How are you? thought that I would send you a message of encouragement. Phil 4:13! We can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us.Those who wait upon the lord will renew their strength they will mount up on wings like eagles they will run and not be weary and walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

I felt my world shift and the darkness lift. Of course! OF COURSE! Of course I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me! Of course my strength will be renewed as I wait on the Lord! Of course. 

Fast forward 12 hours. I'm sitting on a bench in the park across from The Bridge and reading my bible. 

Hebrews 12 leaps from the page and slaps me across the face with this beauty of a verse....

 ¹¹No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Fast forward to this morning. I'm sitting on a rock with my feet hanging over the edge to the water below and the sun is warming me as I read from my bible for a good long while. 2 hours later I go to the Silver Bean Cafe and get a coffee and sit down with my Pharm text book. 2 friends walk up a little while later and before long i'm jumping off a cliff in an old rock quarry into freezing cold water and breaking the surface having to work to catch my breath. Then I'm eating salmon and asparagus (my mom and sister will not believe this) and drinking a cup of coffee. Then I'm the judge in a rock throwing competition. Then gravel is being carefully picked out with a knife from my sliced open toe. Then i'm 50 feet underground in an abandoned mine shaft with no light source and 2 friends and in the middle of a giant wonderful adventure. Then i'm having a great conversation about sin and despair and Mary and Martha and i'm eating pizza and cherries and cookies and watching the stanley cup finals. 

Then i'm in bed. Ready for sleep and reflecting on a beautiful- amazing- relaxing- adventure of a day, thanking my Lord for beautiful friends, a beautiful day, beautiful nature, and beautiful disciple. 

OVERwhelmed.

"Remember me with favor, my God." 

I love Nehemiah. I've read it before but reading it over again this morning was totally different. Maybe it was the delicious coffee or the relaxing environment or maybe it was God speaking to me. 

Nehemiah did a crazy thing. He went to King Artaxerxes looking sad and when the king asked what was up, he said "May the king live forever! Why should my face not look sad when the city where my ancestors are buried lies in ruins, and its gates have been destroyed by fire?" Then he prayed to God and spoke to the king and asked to be sent to the city in Judah and rebuild it. The king said "Ya for sure!" and even supplied Nehemiah with safety during the trek and army officers and a cavalry. 

I love that Nehemiah didn't give up. He knew what he wanted, and he went for it. He sought the Lord and feared Him. He persevered. He was wise and listened to the Lord. He got the city rebuilt and then in chapter 9 the Levites say to the Israelites this beautiful beautiful speech about how the Lord provided for them, protected them, and remembered them even after the Israelites were arrogant, disobedient, insolent, idolatrous , blasphemous and every other awful thing you can think of. 

"In all that has happened to us, you have remained righteous; you have acted faithfully, while we acted wickedly." vs. 33

At the end  of chapter 9 and beginning of chapter 10, they make a binding agreement, an oath, to "follow the Law of God given through Moses, servant of God, and to obey carefully all the commands, regulations and decrees of the LORD our Lord.....We will not neglect the house of our God." 

I love Nehemiah because it starts out with him being moved by the state of Jerusalem...so much so that he's visibly distressed and he's fasting and praying. He carefully and prayerfully tells the King of his distress and by his wisdom in approaching the King, is granted what he needs to carry out this vision. When faced with opposition many times, Nehemiah responds with confidence. He places guards and soldiers in places where the people working on the wall and reminds the Jew's that God's got them.. "Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your people.." When another threat came- this time from within the people- Nehemiah says to them "What you are doing is not right. Shouldn't you walk in the fear of our God and avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies?" He shows integrity. In the third attack, Nehemiah vehemently refuses to play into the enemies attacks and goes to the Lord in prayer ".... but i prayed to the Lord, now strengthen my hands...". When the enemies saw the work that had been done on the wall in just 52 days Nehemiah says "When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God." 

All this to say.... I want to be like Nehemiah. I want to be a leader. A leader with integrity, with conviction, with perseverance. A leader who hears a call and listens to it. A leader who acts. A leader who prayerfully considers their options and seeks the Lord in every aspect. 

Insert segue here...

I had an interview for, and was hired by Youth for Christ/Youth Unlimited. I will be working this summer in Lakefield (a small town a 30 min bike ride from peterborough..I'm going to have great legs!) doing a variety of things. Included in the variety are: organizing and running Art in the Barn nights where youth come and we do artsy things together, organizing The Feast- a community meal that happens every wednesday, manning booths at local festivals getting the YFC/YU name 'out there', putting on movie nights in the park once a week in August, and the best part of it all--- hanging out and building relationships with awesome youth! I'm really excited for this opportunity and when the 2 guys interviewing me came back after saying "we'll let you know in a week" and changed it to "we don't need to wait a week, we want you", I was totally overwhelmed. 

The thought of the work, and prayer and growth involved with this position makes me shake with excitement. It also makes me tremble in fear. What if I can't connect with the kids? What if I make giant mistakes? What if I'm not good at it? What if I'm not an effective leader? What if I can't do it? 

And when I'm done with those thoughts- I grab them and make them obedient to Christ. I'll be able to connect with kids because I'm working for Christ, serving Him with my gifts, and will be blessed. I'll make giant mistakes but I'll make them, learn from them, and be a more effective leader because of it. I'll be good at it because I'm passionate about it, because I've sought the Lord about it and because I've been led to the position by Him. I can do it because it won't be ME whose doing it alone. It'll be me serving the Lord, Him working THROUGH me.

9 months ago you couldn't have paid me to do this. You couldn't have paid me to want to do this. I always said that least favorite age group was jr. high's. I'll be working with a ton of jr. high's this summer. 9 months ago God could have called me to it and I doubt I would have listened.

But 7 months ago God called me to The Bridge and I listened. Christ broke my heart for these kids in the exact same way He did when I was in Uganda. That whole time He was preparing me for this next step in my life. 7 months ago I was in control. I was dependent on myself. 7 months ago I had it all together. 7 months ago I was 110% sure that I was getting in and out of school the fastest way possible and would be writing my last exam on the way to the airport to hop a plane to Uganda. I'm out of control. I'm useless when I depend on myself. I have nothing together. But I'm glad, and I'm blessed. 

Because when I read Ephesians 2:10 i know that I am God's handiwork. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which Christ prepared in advance for me to do. 

And that, my friends, is unbelievably exciting. 

Putting my nursing skills to good use....

It's time to play a little game. I like to call it "Lets see how well you've paid attention in class to see if your self diagnosis is accurate".  

Let the games begin!

First- I self diagnose myself with a torn Rhomboideus major muscle of my posterior left back.  I am basing this diagnosis on the wide breadth of symptoms i am experiencing and from thorough self questioning.

Secondly- I self diagnose myself with a kidney infection that should have been treated over 3 weeks ago. I'd love to get into the lovely array of signs and symptoms but besides from most of the being pretty embarrassing, i'm not too sure if those kinds are things are appropriate blog topics. :) Due to the craziness of school and life, and the ridiculous lack of walk in clinics in Peterborough I've let this one slip... Cross your fingers I'm not about to go septic or go into acute renal failure due to my reluctance to seek medical attention in a timely fashion. 

I'll update later with the doctors medical diagnosis and we'll see if all this money i'm spending is really being put to good use! Cheers!

Beauty

Therefore since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet he did not sin. Let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  - Hebrews 4: 14-16

This morning a good friend of ours and a local pastor came over with a guy who had been away at this christian rehab center for a year. We sat down with tea and we had the best conversation about God, life, ministry, redemption and grace. This guy S told me and Jenn all about his life and how his addiction stemmed from lies that had been placed in him at an early age and how it all grew out of his feelings of being a 'mistake', unloved, and useless. He began using hard drugs, prescription meds and abusing alcohol...living out of these lies he was told and the lies he believed about who he was, what his purpose was, and who God was. 

As Christ began to move in his life he met our friend and the pastor guy J. Through relationship with J, S received Christ and tried to live a 'christian' life for a while but eventually turned back to what he knew. J and a few other people from the church confronted him and told him he needed help and so S went away for a year to this rehab place. In a year he has worked through the lies that were planted in his heart and he said that it wasn't the addiction the counsellors tried to fix or reverse. It was the lies that were in S's heart that they worked on and they worked on S learning who God is, and who S is in Christ and what living out of that relationship really looks like. 

S said something really interesting. When we turn to Christ we're not patched up, we're born again. I've heard that a million times but it really struck me in that moment. I'm not a drug addict, or an alcoholic but I'm a sinner and there are definitely areas in my life where I constantly fail, I constantly turn away from Christ. I turn from who I am in Christ, and the purpose I have in Him, and live out of lies in my heart. My intense need for controlling my life to the n'th degree is a perfect example. I am lost when I'm not in control. That is so contrary to what it should be. I should be feeling secure when I'm not in control. I feel like Paul in Galatians... a person ruled by rules. Trying desperately to please God with his actions, being in control and only being freed and truly living when he let go of that need for control, a desire to please, and simply live in His identity in Christ. 

S said he often thought of the song "i will never be the same again." I remember being here.....

.... sitting on top of Land Rover with my awesome friends on safari in Uganda. I remember watching this storm brew over the Nile and I remember singing that song in my head and knowing it was so true. I will never be the same again. 

I feel so blessed to be in this city, surrounded by these people, living out of my identity in Christ. I'm in a constant battle for control and making that desire and though obedient to Christ. "Take every though captive." Written on my mirror is Ephesians 2:10- "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do." 

As J and S got ready to leave out house, we sat and took time to pray together. It is so beautiful to have prayer be such an easy, familiar, normal part in relationships. I've had a hard, long, overwhelming week- burdened with school, dealing with death as a nursing student, learning to create emotional boundaries so i'm not a mess of a nurse, relationships with friends- and its wonderful to know that I have these people and many others who care for me, who pray for me, who pray with me. 

As I grow and mature, my relationship with Christ and my faith in the Lord grow and mature and deepen and my life is so much more full and rich. And as I stumble and fall on this journey- I am comforted to know that I can approach my high priest, knowing full well that I will receive mercy and grace in my time of need. There's this song by Sara Groves called Less like Scars and I think it suits my life right now perfectly.

It's been a hard year 
But I'm climbing out of the rubble 
These lessons are hard 
Healing changes are subtle 
But every day it's 
Less like tearing, more like building 
Less like captive, more like willing 
Less like breakdown, more like surrender 
Less like haunting, more like remember 
And I feel you here 
And you're picking up the pieces 
Forever faithful 
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation 
But you are able 
And in your hands the pain and hurt 
Look less like scars and more like 
Character 

Hosea

I'm listening to a 5 part series on Hosea by Ravi Zacharias. IT. IS. AWESOME. 

You should listen to it. Really- go now and listen.

Two Hands. Jars of Clay

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

Happy Birthday to Me

It's my birthday today. I had a dream that this person knocked on my window and talk to me, and then someone tapped on my window twice in real life. My sympathetic nervous system kicked into gear and my alpha1 1 receptors dilated my pupils, inhibited salivation,  constricted a variety of sphincters; my beta 1 receptors increased my heart rate, heart contractility and conductance; and my beta 2 receptors stimulated bronchodilation, decreased activity in my gastrointestinal tract as well as  my urinary system.

I relaxed though. Thanks to my parasympathetic nervous system that stimulated my muscarinic receptors to calm my body right down. Now its 6:55am and i found this beauty of a birthday cake on google. Since i am fasting from McDonalds for 1 year (I've been going strong since January 1), I figured today would be a good day to induldge in an imaginary big mac cake. Trust me- it was delish!

Today I'm going to work hard during my 2 seminars and labs, eat some lunch with good friends, do a ton of homework, and then maybe take a solo meandering around Jackson Park with the Good Book. I'm getting to know Ezekiel. 
In absence of the following people: Mollie, Michelle, Rachel, Arielle, Erin and Leigh; I've posted this photo of "Tom" doing the exact birthday jump that I know they would all perform for me had they had been able to be with me in physical form on this 12th of May. 

Hmm....

I'm doing my tutorial prep for pharmacology tomorrow and I came across this little interesting fact...

" it is now acknowledged that when patients have strong spiritual or religous beliefs, these may greatly influence their perceptions of illness and even affect the outcome of pharmacotherapy." 

Makes sense right?

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11-13

"If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick". 1 Peter 3:13-15

You're gonna want to see this!

Go HERE. read it. watch it. be amazed. be inspired. do something like...

tell someone

post it on YOUR blog

tweet about it

facebook it

write it on a banner and hire a plane to drag it through the sky

shave it into your dogs fur

write it backwards on your forehead

just don't do nothing. 

Summer....??

Day of 2 of summer school went well, minus the bike ride to school (only because i'm terribly out of shape). 

I've begun to really notice just how much UG is in my blood now. My new room has 3 giant blown up black and white photos of sophie, mia and christina over my fire place. Over my bed is a beautiful painting that my roommate Jenn did of a photo i took at STAO in Mafubira. Between my windows is my beautiful ebony wood Africa. Over my desk are more photos and my Isaiah 54:17 piece that hung over my bed for 7 months in Jinja and now hangs over my desk. On my bulletin board is a note from Katie given to me as i was hopping into a car to head for the airport and come back to Canada. There is a painting that my friend Steve did for me at Christmas of my dear Soph, and countless other UG related items.

Today in my disease condition and illness experience class, we had to come prepared with a variety of supports and resources available to someone suffering from a chronic illness. The majority of people chose Alzheimer's or Diabetes. I chose HIV/AIDS. 

In my pharmacology seminar we were discussing P-Glycoproteins and how they related to CYP3A4 and what they do in the body. (Am i losing anyone yet?) Besides being ridiculously interesting -for real- P-glycoproteins act as pumps in some tissues and when a drug is given and that drug enters to cell to modify the nucleus or DNA, P-gp's pump that drug out. Its called the MDR1 in the human genes. Pumping drugs out of the cell before they can do their work is bad....obviously. This is the case with many small cell lung cancers which make it so hard to treat. 

P-gp's are bad news for HIV/AIDS patients. THe p-gp pump is activated when drugs like Indinivir enter the cell and the drug is pumped right back out. The T helper cells can't access the drug and viral load increases.... Or something like that--- don't take my word for it. 

So my prof tells us about grapefruit juice and how it reacts badly with many heart meds but it has been shown to DECREASE P-gp's in patients with HIV therefore making their ARV's more effective. Neat. 

Anyway- its day 2 and i'm consumed with homework already. Yesturday i did homework and prep work from 2 to 7 then took an hour break to visit a friend then worked till 930 then went to bed at 10. AHHH. 8 weeks is going to FLY by. 

I start another rotation of clinical this saturday on a medical floor. I'm really really REALLY excited to start acute care and learn new skills! 

Break is over- time to hit the books again!

We were both drinking fiction with greedy tongues.

Lately I really love:

• Fiction Family particularly the songs "when she's near", "elements combined" and "out of order".
  
• Making my bed in the morning and fluffing my duvet after someone sits on my bed and makes a mark on the bed.
• Being barefoot
• Painting my finger nails clear. 
• C. S Lewis and Henri Nouwen
• Columbian coffee with 10% cream and one brown sugar packet
• Only wearing mascara
• Reading my pharmacology textbook
• My Gustav Klimt print "Der Kuss" (its that photo above)
• Love
• Being in Peterborough

Lately I really don't love:

• The presence of fruit flies
• Straightening my hair
• Top 40 music
• Thinking about how I may not be able to go to UG for a long time
• Washing the toothbrush cup in the bathroom
• Feeling obligated
• Cursive
• Over thinking
• Indifference

Holding out for the O

They did it! Marching around Harpo Studies like Jericho has succeeded.!!!

Check it out HERE 

Watch Oprah today. It's going to be WORTH IT. 

Peace is the only answer, love is the only way.

6 days and 13 hours into THE RESCUE (see previous post), 500+ people are going strong in Chicago..... still unrescued. Every other city in the WORLD has been rescued but everyone at Invisible Children and the abductee's who came out all agree that Chicago will be the culminating city. They aren't going home for anyone other than Oprah, Obama or Mrs. Obama.

6 days for a cause so important, so vital to millions of peoples lives. 

6 days for a cause crucial to political stability in DR Congo, Uganda and surrounding countries. 

6 days for 50,000 children abducted.

6 days for 23 years war.

6 days for over a million ugandans displaced in their own country.

6 days for peace. 

www.invisiblechildren.com

Peace is the only answer, love is the only way. 

Rescued, April 25, 2009.

On April 25, 2009 Tori, Jenn, Jasmine, Hanna Wendy and myself, along with 99,994 thousand-ish fellow worldians took to the streets and 'abducted' ourselves. We congregated at Dundas and Yonge square and waited for instructions on our march orders. After about an hour, we began our march with a ton of people watching and police shutting down streets for our 500ish fellow Toronto Rescue Adbuctee's. 

We separated ourselves into groups of 20 and each grabbed a hold of the rope, symbolizing being tied together as we march like the child soldiers often are. 

As we marched we handed out little cards inviting people to the event and we made a whole heck of a lot of noise!

Wouldn't you know it but Aaron Carter showed up! He's the little brother of Nick Carter, former Backstreet Boy. I told Aaron that I used to love Brian from BSB and was dead set on marrying him but someone else got to him first. Then .........

I let Aaron in on the little known fact that my roommate Jenn (in red) auditioned for his music video when she was a whole lot younger! And for not chosing her (a decision that he's probably regretted ever since) he was chill enough to hang out with us for a few minutes and take a ton of photos. 

We get to Queen's Park and set up camp. It was (up until a few minutes after this photo was taken) beeeautiful outside but we saw these dark clouds coming over the city and the wind started picking up....

Jenn and I pray for clear skies as Tori is on the phone with her boyfriend and he's telling her that its storming like mad at his house a few km's away so we hunker down and just as Jenn and I say amen, the skies open up and it starts to p-o-u-r!

Because we are such good planners, we brought little more than nothing to The Rescue but were blessed to find a random backpack and after i asked around if it was anyones, I grabbed the sheet of hole-y plastic that was attached to it and all 6 of us hunkered down for what we thought would be a quick downpour. 

Here we are an hour later with the rain still coming down. Unfortunately the rain drove some of the abductee's away but we hardcore'ers, decided to stick it out!

We got 'rescued' pretty soon after we got to Queen's Park. Olivia Chow and Jack Layton came from the NDP party and Jack said he came only because he recieved about 1000 emails the previous week and after researching this 'invisible children' organization all these young people were emailing him about, he was shocked he didn't know the situation, and vowed to us his support for the cause. 

We decided to embrace the rain and take the obligatory jumpy photos for a while. Notice the giant puddles forming all around us. Also notice the vert Tori pulls off here and how I can barely get off the ground. 

Apparently there was a statue in the park of the man who brought 'sunday school' to Canada! Neat!

Rick Mercer, from This Hour has 22 Minutes, came by too! I asked him if he could call George- they are on the same network after all. I then asked if he was going to make another Talking to American's.... he said nope. 

Around 11 or 12, Tori and I took a walk and we took some photos. 

The boy in the photo behind me is fighting in Uganda right now. He was abducted and has yet to be rescued. 

This was our home for the night. It was not nearly as comfy, warm or dry as it looked. In fact, my head was cushioned by a saturated sleeping bag. Luxury, i know!
This is our little home we rigged up in the midst of the downpour. I think next time we'll pack a tent... or at least a tarp. 

Who would have thought that 4 years after seeing the Invisible Children movie, The Rough Cut, I'd be camping out overnight to support a cause that had been seeded so deep in my heart. Who would have thought that at 20 years old i would watch a documentary that would turn out to be the catalyst for some MAJOR life changes. Now.... 4 years later, here i am! A new creation, changed from the inside out, experiencing life and hope and love in a way I'd never thought possible. Wow......

We left our little bench home at 5:30am in order to catch our greyhound bus back to Peterborough at 6:30am. We got home at 9 and cleaned the house prior to church at 10:30am. 

As we were standing at Dundas and Yonge at 4pm yesterday, I started tearing as I thought about my friends in Uganda and the Amani mama's who had fled the war in the North- the same war that I was fighting against at that moment. 

During the night I met some fellow abductees from across the path who were making their own shelter. We started chatting over talk of twine and discovered we were all Christians. We had the most beautiful amazing alive impromptu prayer session and it felt unbelievable to worship and pray with virtual strangers, to the same Savior. Beautiful!

I met a guy from HQ of Invisible Children in San Diego and had an amazing conversation about our mutual love for Uganda, Galatians, the gospel, and youtube :) I told him if they ever need a nurse, I'm their girl! 

I wept through the church service today and had a sob through a worship song. My friend and the youth pastor was speaking on freedom in Christ and I cried and cried and cried the entire sermon. I was an exhausted emotional mess and ditched the young adults lunch for some alone time at home. 

A wonderful night!!! And as I finish this off and head to bed, there are STILL cities left unrescued. check out the website HERE to keep tabs on how things are going. 

Study Bible Break!

Have some of you noticed that we are not yet perfect? (No great surprise, right?) And are you ready to make the accusation that since people like me, who go through Christ in order to get things right with God, aren't perfectly virtuous, Christ must therefore be an accessory to sin? The accusation is frivolous. If I was "trying to be good," I would be rebuilding the same old barn that I tore down. I would be acting as a charlatan.

What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.
Galatians 2: 17-21

Did you know.......

that the strongest chemical influence on breathing is H+ ion sensed by the central chemoreceptors of the medulla?

that in a typical 500mL inspiration, about 150 mL fills anatomical dead space and 350 mL reaches the alveoli?

that there are 4 kinds of hypoxia, a deficiency in oxygen in the tissues?

that airflow is directly proportional to the pressure difference between two points and inversely proportional to resistance?

that an alveolus is composed of squamous and great alveolar cells and contains alveolar macrophages (that last line of defense against inhaled debris)?

gastric juices consist mainly of water, HCL and pepsin?

that chief cells secrete pepsinogen, a zymogen which HCL converts to pepsin and that in infants the chief cells also secrete the fat digesting enzyme gastric lipase and the milk curdling secretion chymosin?

that prostates grow from apricot to lemon size between 20 and 65 years old?

that glomerular filtration and urine output increase to dispose of both fetal and maternal wastes but the capacity of the bladder is reduced by pressure from the uterus?

that i am slowly going crazy 1- 2-3 -4 - 5- 6 switch, crazy going slowly am i , 6 -5 -4 - 3 -2 - swtich. 

that i have 29 hours until my anatomy and physiology final exam covering 8 months and 1011 pages of ridiculously cool but incredibly frustrating material?

that this could possibly take the cake for the most boring/ coolest post depending on if you hate or love biology?

that i'm taking a 10 minute break from the respiratory system and this is what i've chosen to die (i'm also enjoying a diet coke)?

that i keep forgetting to mail rachel and arielle their super funny card that i got them the day after i received theirs but just cannot for the life of me put it in the mail?

saved and being saved

Saturday = the bridge = goodness. 

during debrief we listened to a voicemail that had been saved about a kid who's given his life to Christ and is pumped about it. He was thanking the message reciever for all his help and said how he met a guy playing guitar and told him 'what he's all about' (aka- Jesus) and then said something that struck me soooo deeply. the kid asked what he could do for this guy who's really been there for him. 

whoa. that may not seem like a big deal but its phenomenal. a lot of the time these kids can't think past themselves and for him to say in effect... 'i appreciate you and what you've done for me, i want to give to you now'... thats what we pray for. thats the kind of change we long to see. 

so awesome. church today was incredible. i went to a different one than my usual because my friend was speaking and it was awesome-- all about Isaiah 61 and how Jesus came to heal the sick, bind the brokenhearted, set the captives free. He's here and wants to heal us from all the junk that happened in our lives prior to knowing him or while knowing him and taking those lies we believe about ourselves and exchanging them for the truths that are in Him. so good. 

6 days till THE RESCUE!!

Chunk of Change

My roommate Tori is going to Martin Sexton tonight in Toronto. How i wish i could go! He's unreal. Blows your mind. Am i jealous? Yes. 

I have been finding/ mollie has been finding the best blogs ever. I've decided to do a favor to the world and post them here for all you to see. It takes a very specific kind of humor to find them funny but they are gold and gold is worth sharing.

www.jedidiah.tumblr.com

www.behindthescenes.invisiblechildren.com

www.yodawgyo.com

Also if you like odd(aka really sweet) music then you will LOVE this song/visual extravaganza then click HERE. 

In other news I had a killer convo with a kid at the bridge that straight up made my day. And the best part was that Jenn- my roommate- had an equally killer convo with another kid that straight up made HER day, and when we reconvened at The Night Kitchen moments later for a slice of za and told eachother our stories, we both were floored. 

This God we serve is out of control awesome. This youth center we serve at is what Jesus is all about and I think if he was here physically, He'd be a regular. 

This saturday, myself, a bunch of friends and 950 other people (so far...) are meeting in Toronto and abducting ourselves for the child soldiers in Uganda. We're being tied together and we're marching 2 miles to our LRA base camp in a park in downtown toronto where we're waiting for big names in the world to come rescue us. We're causing a peaceful ruckus and the words getting out. An extra cool part? Some bridge kids want to come too! There's something inexplainable about being involved in changing a nation, ending a war, and bringing kids home and doing it with 100,000 other people around the world....simultaneously. I believe the right word would be privilege. 

Check it and wreck it. 

www.invisiblechildren.com

Kind of freaky

I had a dream that my mom and I were in some war zone and Sophie was with us. There were these potato looking bombs being thrown at us and they'd explode close enough to make me think i was going to die but far enough away as to not kill me. I had my phone and I got a call from a family friend, Shaun, and he asked me if the war was really bad and as i opened my mouth to answer, a bomb hit right near me and I grabbed Soph and my mom and I ran into this beautiful beautiful building that looked like the inside of an A&W but it was a university. Shawn was still on the phone and we huddled between these 2 giant cement pillar things, he asked me if i was ready to chose Jesus if a soldier came to kill me or renounce my faith. 

Then i woke up. 

When the Saints....

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know, it's more than i can handle, but your word is burning  like a fire shut up in my bones and I can't let it go.

And when i'm weary and overwrought with so many battles left unfought I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard, I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

and when the saints go marching in, i want to be one of them. 

Lord it's all i that i can't carry and cannot leave behind, it all can overwhelm me but when i think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life their courage compels me.

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharaoh's court, I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

I see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad

I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear

I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta night

I see the sister standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor

I see the man with a passion come kicking down that door

I see the man of sorrow on his long troubled road

I see the world on his shoulders and my easy road. 

And when i'm wearing and overwrought with so many battles left unfought, I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard, I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars. 

And when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them. 

- sara groves. 

Proverbs 3

Don't lost your grip of love and loyalty. Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart. 

Earn a reputation for living well in God's eyes and the eyes of people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. 

Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! 

Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! 

Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.

But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. 

It's the child he loves that God corrects; a fathers delight is behind all this. 

...........

Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God's hand for that person.

Don't tell your neighbor "Maybe some other time" or "try my tomorrow" when the money's right there in your pocket.