Sunday, March 29, 2009


Sometimes I feel totally and completely useless at The Bridge (TB). Last night was one of those nights. I was so excited to go yesterday and even wrote Erin and Leigh just to tell them that. It's getting warmer and that means we have to be aware of what's going down outside TB in the back parking lot. One staff should try to be out there, holding down the fort. I went out for the first half of the night and between the "hey- f bombs don't fly here" and the "see that can strategically placed in your line of sight for cigarette butts? use it", I helped time 100 m dashes, challenged kids to run around the building in less than 20 seconds for a free pop, and chatted with new kids I hadn't seen around in a while or at all. 
Drama seemed to be the theme of the night and with 40 or so teenagers hanging out, stuff was primed to go down.... this is where the 'totally and completely useless' emerges.
Trying to mediate between 2 teenage girls is hard. Trying to be the voice of reason is hard. Trying to get them to see things beyond what their emotions would let them..... beyond difficult. Trying to do this every saturday by myself, trusting in myself to get me through it..... impossible.
During debrief, a supervisor said something that really struck me. While we were praying, he prayed something like "God- I can't wait for the day when I stand before you and we look at what we've done together, knowing I did it with you, as team players." How many times have I looked to my own strength to get me through a situation? too many. How many times have I thought that i didn't need help, I could do it on my own? too many. 
How many times have I been proven wrong when i've thought my own strength was sufficient, no help was needed, that i could do it on my own? um.... let's count...  how about EVERY TIME. And with every failed attempt at going it alone, I'm reminded that this road isn't meant to be walked alone. In those times when I'm trusting in Him, I don't feel like I want to give up. I don't feel like I'm completely and totally useless. 

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves." 2 Cor 4:1-2
When I pray that God would use me, I mean it. When I hang out at TB with these kids, I do it because I believe in that place. I believe in everything is represents. I do it because I've grown to love them and appreciate them and want the best for them. And I believe that the best for them involves a relationship with Christ. 
I want them to feel this love. I want them to believe in this hope. I want them to see this grace. 

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace." 2 Cor 6:4


Anonymous said...

Oh Amy, I just love you.
It's so true, we can't try to do things relying only on ourselves. It's useless. We've got to be his hands and feet and I know that those kids there can see that there's a light in you and how much you love them. That's why they keep coming back.

Leigh said...

very true. good good post Amy!

janet said...

Can you imagine that mom and dad had to be our mediators EVERYDAY ALL DAY FOR YEARS!! mom was you trying to help two crazy girls sort their crap out.
I'm pretty sure mom and dad were on their knees every night drawing strength from the Only One who knew what was going on!
I find that inspiring too!

Josh said...