.....

- if someone claims "i know him well" but doesn't keep his commandments, he's obviously a liar. his life doesn't match his words. but the one who keeps God's word is the person in whom we see God's mature love. this is the only way to be sure we're in God. anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of like Jesus did.- 1 John 2:3-6ish

Lately i've been really into the Message. I love it because its easy to read and to follow, but also that its raw. It doesn't candy coat anything and everything is clear. Its black and white.

I've been feeling really convicted about my language and how i act. I don't by any means, swear like a sailor, but i sometimes let a f-bomb fly out of anger, pain etc. It seemed as though for a few days I was acutely aware of what words I spoke, and whats words people around me spoke and then BAM! I'm reading 1st John and those verses slap me across the face.

I claim to be intimate with God. Yet my like doesn't look like Jesus'. I'm pretty sure that JC never f-bombed when he was mad or frustrated or had just stubbed his toe. Heck! He didn't even THINK about saying it!! So here i am, claiming that i'm something, but my life doesn't back it up.

I really love my mom. I mean, really really really love my mom. We are super close and she gets me. She gives the best advice ever, is incredibly smart, is patient even when i go into 'what if' mode...

(side note- I get in these moods where i ask what if's a lot and today at home depot, my what if's were about cancer. mom- what if i had cancer, what kind would you want me to have. if i couldn't have skin cancer what kind would you want me to have etc.. also my mom is an oncology nurse and teaches nurses about cancer, hence the so smart part)

....and is an avid bible scholar. She's not the bible school professor type of scholar but she's the kind of woman who genuinely likes to learn about scripture, memorize verses, and she reads all these James Montgomery Boice commentaries on books of the bible and anyway! I want to be just like her when i grow up.

So yesterday we were talking and i was telling her about this friend that I feel like there is this competition between us and i was borderline gossiping/complaining about her faults and my mom said "amy- we've all sinned and fall short."

I've been taught my whole life to be careful what goes into my mind. My mom's 2 favorite sayings are "remember who you are" and "what goes into a mind comes out in a life". I lived a very sheltered life when it came to tv, music and movies and while i HATED it at the time, I'm glad i grew up that way and you can bet that my kids won't be watching 3/4 of what's on tv now! Anyway- I've always been sensitive to what goes into my head and heart and now that i'm older, I realize just how awesome that really is. While my mind has enough garbage in it, I try really hard not to add to it.

So back to these verses....I'm claiming to be intimate with God and my life is going to look as close to Jesus' as i can get it. One way i'm going to accomplish that is to tame my tongue. And not just with swear words. With hurtful words, gossip filled words, ignorant words, prideful words, etc.

Also- Tomorrow my mission, before work, is to get the cutest, cards I can find, and write to Isaac and Eman because they are sick in the hospital and I'm addicted to their mom's blogs, and also to MC and Jackson because i love them to death, and I want to be just like their mom when i grow up too!