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"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act"
Proverbs 24:12 (stolen from erin's blog)


A couple days ago I read erin's blog and came across this verse she posted. My immediate reaction was "whoa! that's such a sweet verse!" but now a part of my wishes i had never heard it.

I think it's really scary knowing that i'm responsible to act. There is a song by Brooke Fraser (i'm obsessed with her) and i think its so powerful.

I am sitting still
I think of Angelique
her mothers voice over me
And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent
And on a thousandth hill, I think of Albertine
there in her eyes what I don't see with my own
rwanda

[CHORUS]
now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
and the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet
Rwanda

[CHORUS]

[BRIGDE]
I will tell the world, I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them Albertine

[CHORUS]

I am on a stage, a thousand eyes on me
I will tell them, Albertine
I will tell them, Albertine


Think about it. I've been told that the one who weighs my heart and keeps my soul is counting ME responsible. That's huge. And scary.

But then I think.....That's exactly what being a Christ follower is all about. Being accountable. Being Responsible. I try to imagine what it would be like and how many hours it would have taken me to implode if i had gotten off the plane at home from Uganda and not said a word about it. Yesterday my roommate Jenn held me while i was crying on the floor is the doorway between our kitchen and hallway because i just read all my roommates this powerful verse and the whole huge weight of it fell on top it. As that whole huge weight fell, and as i went to my room to be alone as i often like to do, I saw the giant framed photo of sophia on my wall staring at me and i thought of the text message mama lois had sent me about how my mom had given her family christmas this year. I thought of how many people i've been able to help through me being responsible on acting. More importantly- i thought of how many people i've gotten to help others because i dont have any money!:) Lawrence wouldn't be going to university right now if it wasn't for my friend Curtis. Mama lois may have still been waiting for her very important surgery if it wasn't for my Mom and dad. The kids at STAO wouldn't have had christmas presents last year if it wasn't for Beth's mom. The kids at STAO wouldn't have gotten to go to town in a REAL CAR (!!!), been taken to a real doctor, been treated, gotten medication, a new outfit, a beautiful yummy lunch, and to watch a movie if it wasn't for the Pastoor/Barbour/Richards family. Musa wouldn't have a place to stay at during university if it wasn't for my dad.

Sometimes i KNOW my life would have been SOOOO much easier if i had never gone to UG. IF i had only stayed home and gone to college right away....I'd be able to have a mac instead of this busted PC. i'd be able to have a car right now instead of wearing out the sneaker express. I'd be able to get my hair highlighted and not feel guilty. i'd be able to buy stuff that wasn't on sale.

And i would have been stuck in a north american mentality of spending and spending and spending and having no concept of what i'm buying, where my money is going, and who ISN"T getting paid for what i just bought.

So ya. Now that i have seen, I am responsible. And thats ok with me. I have wonderful Godly, Christ loving women in my life, and in my online life:) Erin always makes me smile with her stories of her kids that i ADORE. I also love that I can email her asking her if she likes these boots i want to buy in one sentence and get her advice on guys in the next.
I love that Becca takes God's words to Joshua to heart when God says have i not commanded you? be STRONg and COURAGEOUS!!
I love that Brandi loves UG and Katie and that she has the cutest white daughter Gracie who is hilarious and i love hearing stories of her whining:)
I love that Jena went to UG and got her babies Kaia and Kendric recently and that her son plays the tuba!
I love Carolyn because she calls her husband a hottie, LOVES ethipoia, has the most beautiful daughter Selah, in involved with Project Hopeful that one day i'm going to use when I'm adopting my HIV babies!
I love Katie. This powerhouse of a girl (woman!) who cares for 10 UG girls plus 150 others, plus probably hundreds more that we just don't know about yet. I love the heart Jesus has placed in her little body and how HUGE the love that pours out of all of her is. i LOVE that she loves being a ugandan in uganda and not a mzungu. I love that she kept my bestie bethany company for 3 weeks while i was getting sliced open.

Mukama Yebazibwe!