heart hurt

how gracious, relentless is the father's love towards us. breathtaking the beauty is the radiance of you. oh majesty i live to see your face and be transformed into your image.

I don't want to think of who i was 2 years ago. I was a good person, who was funny and nice but empty. I was complacent and comfortable and ordinary.

I am active and uncomfortable and radical. I HATE injustice, i feel it to my core. I HATE the sin my life and work hard at getting rid of it. I LOVE the only one being who can redeem me. Not just love actually. I am IN love with Christ Jesus. My savior and redeemer.

I am surrounded by poverty. I am surrounded by brokenness. I am surrounded by despair and sadness and loneliness and self hatred.

I am surrounded by light and love and grace and mercy and fellowship and activists. I am surrounded by people who are actively involved in bringing the kingdom of heaven to EARTH. to where we are. I am surrounded by people storing up for themselves treasures in heaven. I am surrounded by people who have sacrificed SO much for the cause of Christ. I am surrounded by people who share my same love and desire and passion and call for the brokenhearted.

I am surrounded by the Holy Spirit. I am being led by the Holy Spirit. I am living in and through the Holy Spirit.

I love to spend money on clothes. Tonight Jesus convicted me of my excess. He shoved it in my face and said AMY WHAT GOOD DOES THIS DO YOU. but more importantly he said AMY WHAT GOOD DOES THIS DO ME!

Thank you JESUS CHRIST for loving a broken, helpless, empty girl. Thank you for filling me with you and love for you and love for your people, your heart. Thank YOU for doing more than I could ever ask or imagine.

Romans 5:3-8
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.