Responsible

Tonight something happened that I won't soon forget.

I spent the better part of today emailing back and forth with Erin. I told her how i was going to be saying a little 'schpeel' at Church in the Caf tonight on campus. I was going to be speaking about SUUBI and how i have these gorgeous necklaces waiting to be under christmas trees. I wore my adorable pink suubi tee and of course, had a suubi necklace around my neck as I told 70-80ish people about my love love love for Uganda and how this is an awesome organization to support. She wrote in her last email to me, "....Anyway, i will be praying for your schpeel tonight -- your passion is contageous and i know that your heart for the developing world will impact whoever listens to you!"

I sit down. Big man from Wales stands up. He's a guest speaker and him and his wife have recently moved to town to pastor New Life Church in ptbo.

Big man starts talking. "I was sitting on my setee (i dont know how you spell that word) today and a song popped into my head. It's an old song about beads, bobbles and bangles. So i asked the Lord to tell me why this song was in my head and he told me that tonight i would meet a girl with colorful beads and i needed to give her His message."

I'm thinking to myself..."uhhh.....is he talking about me?? ahh..this is weird. this has never happened....eek"

Big man looks me dead in the eyes and says the following. "The Lord gave me a prophecy about you. He told me about a girl with colorful beads and that girl is you. He told me that you will change nations. That you're heart will become even more compassionate. That you will be given every gift you need to accomplish HIS plans for YOU. He told me your hands will heal the sick. He is preparing you and as you give of yourself, and pour into other's lives, you will be blessed. He wants me to tell you that he is doing great things in you. and YOU will change nations. You will be sent to other countries outside of Uganda and do the Lord's work there too. This is what the Lord told me."

I am crying at this point, feeling very overwhelmed and a little bit weird. I was JUST reading about prophecy today and thinking just how cool it was that so many parts of the gospels are fulfilling prophesies from the old testament.

Big man keeps talking and asks the 2 people in the crowd, one with back pain and one with neck pain to come to the front. Girl and guy come forward. Big man and Man's wife lay hands on them and pray for them to the healed. They are healed.

Big man gives an amazing talk about the GIFT of christmas. Jesus.

At the end, him and his wife call me to the front. I stand facing them and the wife puts her hands on my back after she raises my arms and my hands are outstretched. Big man's hand is on my head and one is stretched to heaven. They begin praying for me, my future ministry, my life and calling for Africa. They pray for wisdom and patience and that i will be equipped for everything I am going to do. They hold my hands and pray over my hands that I will use them for the good of the Lord and that the Holy Spirit will heal the sick through me. They pray that I will always give all the glory back to God. And that i will be blessed.

I felt dizzy and a bit like i should slump to the ground like those Benny Hinn infomercials:) They hug me and i sit back down.

Big man closes in prayer and I think 4 or 5 students come to Christ.

...............

It was incredible. I felt weird like there was this wind trailing behind me as i walked, like i was wearing a loooong flowy skirt.

I talked to the man and woman after wards and we talked for a bit and they asked me more about my time in Uganda and invited me to their church. New Life, next Sunday!

On Saturday I chatted with my mom for a long time and got off the phone feeling SO blessed to be the child of my wonderful parents. I sat down and decided to journal instead of do MORE anatomy studying. I wrote 8 pages in my journal in what felt like a matter of seconds. I felt this blanket around me. a really comfortable safe weight and God told me he was preparing me for something. That something big was going to happen and that i was ready.

I'm ready.

Really Black Friday people??? REALLY!!!

I'm just gonna put this out there. This is to those 2000 people who trampled a walmart employee to death for the sake of 100 dollars of a stupid play station.

Seriously new york walmart fanatics? Seriously?! Did you really need that play station that bad? Did you really just have to have that digital camera? Was that marked down makeup really that important? Are THINGS so important to us that we can't have normal hours in stores? We need a day when we can get there when the sun's no shining and line up in the cold for a piece of plastic made by little hands that are cut and bruised attached to tiny bodies that are worn out and malnourished and sleep deprived? Do we really need to line up in front a store that broke the knees of one of its factories workers for wanting to start a union in the sweat shop he worked in?

Was the amount you saved on your bill worth more than a life? Were those few dollars saved worth the feeling of stepping on a human being?

It's a good thing everyone got their shopping done though. At least you can have a merry Christmas. because that's what its about right? things. stuff. plastic. waste. accumulation. money. The family of the walmart employee surely knows that's what you thought about as you stepped on their child.




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I'm boycotting gifts this Christmas. i want to EXPERIENCE Christmas. i don't want to buy it. the only gift i want, and that i have already, is the gift that God gave me, you, those 2000 stampeders at walmart, the 6 billion people on earth. and thats more than enough for me.

love love love love love

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act"
Proverbs 24:12 (stolen from erin's blog)


A couple days ago I read erin's blog and came across this verse she posted. My immediate reaction was "whoa! that's such a sweet verse!" but now a part of my wishes i had never heard it.

I think it's really scary knowing that i'm responsible to act. There is a song by Brooke Fraser (i'm obsessed with her) and i think its so powerful.

I am sitting still
I think of Angelique
her mothers voice over me
And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent
And on a thousandth hill, I think of Albertine
there in her eyes what I don't see with my own
rwanda

[CHORUS]
now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
and the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet
Rwanda

[CHORUS]

[BRIGDE]
I will tell the world, I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them Albertine

[CHORUS]

I am on a stage, a thousand eyes on me
I will tell them, Albertine
I will tell them, Albertine


Think about it. I've been told that the one who weighs my heart and keeps my soul is counting ME responsible. That's huge. And scary.

But then I think.....That's exactly what being a Christ follower is all about. Being accountable. Being Responsible. I try to imagine what it would be like and how many hours it would have taken me to implode if i had gotten off the plane at home from Uganda and not said a word about it. Yesterday my roommate Jenn held me while i was crying on the floor is the doorway between our kitchen and hallway because i just read all my roommates this powerful verse and the whole huge weight of it fell on top it. As that whole huge weight fell, and as i went to my room to be alone as i often like to do, I saw the giant framed photo of sophia on my wall staring at me and i thought of the text message mama lois had sent me about how my mom had given her family christmas this year. I thought of how many people i've been able to help through me being responsible on acting. More importantly- i thought of how many people i've gotten to help others because i dont have any money!:) Lawrence wouldn't be going to university right now if it wasn't for my friend Curtis. Mama lois may have still been waiting for her very important surgery if it wasn't for my Mom and dad. The kids at STAO wouldn't have had christmas presents last year if it wasn't for Beth's mom. The kids at STAO wouldn't have gotten to go to town in a REAL CAR (!!!), been taken to a real doctor, been treated, gotten medication, a new outfit, a beautiful yummy lunch, and to watch a movie if it wasn't for the Pastoor/Barbour/Richards family. Musa wouldn't have a place to stay at during university if it wasn't for my dad.

Sometimes i KNOW my life would have been SOOOO much easier if i had never gone to UG. IF i had only stayed home and gone to college right away....I'd be able to have a mac instead of this busted PC. i'd be able to have a car right now instead of wearing out the sneaker express. I'd be able to get my hair highlighted and not feel guilty. i'd be able to buy stuff that wasn't on sale.

And i would have been stuck in a north american mentality of spending and spending and spending and having no concept of what i'm buying, where my money is going, and who ISN"T getting paid for what i just bought.

So ya. Now that i have seen, I am responsible. And thats ok with me. I have wonderful Godly, Christ loving women in my life, and in my online life:) Erin always makes me smile with her stories of her kids that i ADORE. I also love that I can email her asking her if she likes these boots i want to buy in one sentence and get her advice on guys in the next.
I love that Becca takes God's words to Joshua to heart when God says have i not commanded you? be STRONg and COURAGEOUS!!
I love that Brandi loves UG and Katie and that she has the cutest white daughter Gracie who is hilarious and i love hearing stories of her whining:)
I love that Jena went to UG and got her babies Kaia and Kendric recently and that her son plays the tuba!
I love Carolyn because she calls her husband a hottie, LOVES ethipoia, has the most beautiful daughter Selah, in involved with Project Hopeful that one day i'm going to use when I'm adopting my HIV babies!
I love Katie. This powerhouse of a girl (woman!) who cares for 10 UG girls plus 150 others, plus probably hundreds more that we just don't know about yet. I love the heart Jesus has placed in her little body and how HUGE the love that pours out of all of her is. i LOVE that she loves being a ugandan in uganda and not a mzungu. I love that she kept my bestie bethany company for 3 weeks while i was getting sliced open.

Mukama Yebazibwe!

This Just In!

Hey BlogFam-

I got my suubi spread box in the mail today and i'm ready to sell!! These necklaces are GORGEOUS (trust me, i've looked at them all!) and they can be yours for the low low price of:

10 for a choker(great for guys)
15 for a slim long one
20 for a black and white long (soooo cool!)
20 for a multicolored long

Instead of wasting money on gifts that don't mean anything and gifts made by some robot in a factory, CHOOSE HOPE and give Suubi!

Christmas

I'm going to see THIS movie tonight at a local church.

Its a documentary (more like a mockumentary) about consumerism during the Christmas season. Its this revenered Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping and they go into malls and big box stores and spead the news on the shopocalypse.

It's called What Would Jesus Buy and it looks wonderful.

Meet Steve. He's like our 5th roommate. He is always at our house and even has food labeled in our fridge. We love him.

We also love when he goes to the emergency room with Bea and comes home looking like THAT. The pee in the urine sample is the top skimmed off of pea soup (hahah get it?). We put it on our other tori's desk and she freaked out. Its now sitting on our mantle in the living room because we all agree that its hilarious to have a urine sample for all to see.
Did i mention i love it here?

It looks like I'm Ghana bound come July 3!!!!

You go before me, you shield my way, your hand upholds me and i know you love me.


In 15 minutes I'm meeting with the a guy from Youth For Christ to talk about Ghana this summer. I was told about an opportunity to serve with a team in July for 5 weeks and I was instantly attracted to it (obviously!).

I left a message on my mom's work answering machine for prayer and then i sat and read romans, the verses about our lives being predestined. Then i sat on my bed and prayed for clarity, and peace and answers. Then my roommate Jenn came in and sat beside me and prayed for me too. (i love my life!)


At the cross i bow my knee, where you're blood was shed for me, there's not greater love than this. you have overcome the grave, your glory fills the highest place, what can separate me now!?

heart hurt

how gracious, relentless is the father's love towards us. breathtaking the beauty is the radiance of you. oh majesty i live to see your face and be transformed into your image.

I don't want to think of who i was 2 years ago. I was a good person, who was funny and nice but empty. I was complacent and comfortable and ordinary.

I am active and uncomfortable and radical. I HATE injustice, i feel it to my core. I HATE the sin my life and work hard at getting rid of it. I LOVE the only one being who can redeem me. Not just love actually. I am IN love with Christ Jesus. My savior and redeemer.

I am surrounded by poverty. I am surrounded by brokenness. I am surrounded by despair and sadness and loneliness and self hatred.

I am surrounded by light and love and grace and mercy and fellowship and activists. I am surrounded by people who are actively involved in bringing the kingdom of heaven to EARTH. to where we are. I am surrounded by people storing up for themselves treasures in heaven. I am surrounded by people who have sacrificed SO much for the cause of Christ. I am surrounded by people who share my same love and desire and passion and call for the brokenhearted.

I am surrounded by the Holy Spirit. I am being led by the Holy Spirit. I am living in and through the Holy Spirit.

I love to spend money on clothes. Tonight Jesus convicted me of my excess. He shoved it in my face and said AMY WHAT GOOD DOES THIS DO YOU. but more importantly he said AMY WHAT GOOD DOES THIS DO ME!

Thank you JESUS CHRIST for loving a broken, helpless, empty girl. Thank you for filling me with you and love for you and love for your people, your heart. Thank YOU for doing more than I could ever ask or imagine.

Romans 5:3-8
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Suubi

Can i please be this woman when i grow up?!

http://www.facinglife.tv/episode/season_3/episode_7/episode_307.html

Auntie jan and Auntie Margo and Mom, watch this. This is the lady i always talk about and its Selah's mom!

Baptized!!

Today i got baptized! My roommate Jenn baptized me in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit! It was AWESOME.

And very very very cold. It was a nice 15 degrees
celcius outside but the water was practically freezing. But very refreshing!

Cats Galore

This is weird. I know it is. But it is also so so very funny if you let your mind go to that place where everything about cats is funny...no matter what.

As i looked through my recent downloads i was struck by the fact that probably 93% of my downloads are photos of cats. You're probably wondering why. This is the answer...


Mollie.

Mollie is my best cuzzie. she also loves funny cat photos. so sometimes in my spare time i like to google cat photos. and below are some of my favorites so far.

Enjoy!

PS- FTW means For The Win (a common phrase in mollie and my vernacular)











Enjoy!

H2O

I'm getting baptized tomorrow. In the river near my house. With a few close friends.


I've been thinking about it for a long while through a curious chain of events, i've decided that tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow at 3:30pm in the Otonabee River.

Also. last night as i was walking back from my nursing 100 seminar, i crossed the bridge that links the east side and west side of campus. as i stepped onto the bridge, i had an overwhelming sense that i should let go. let go of something i'd been holding onto for far too long.

so i did. and as i pictured it falling into the river below, i let someone fall out of my hands and into the river as well. (bio degradable of course!)

And it feels good.



and now for added artsy fartsyness. i've included some wonderfully cheesy pictures that i found by googling "letting go".

there's more to living than being alive.

Hallereen. The Trent experience. The Bridge.

Photos.

check it. click here.