a note for my nana, a note for my mom.

Dear Nana,

I love you. I admire you. You are never afraid to call me on things even when it might be ackward or you think i'll get offended or mad. I appreciate that. I hope you will always do that for me. I look at your life and how you raised my mom and my aunts and uncles and i'm so thankful that God gave me grandparents like you and Buppa.

At your house this weekend, I woke up early and as i was going past the downstairs door, i heard buppa praying. I stopped at put my ear to the door and listened to you guys praying. It made my heart so happy to know and realize what leaders i have in my family. It makes me so thankful to know that I have grandparents who love me so much. Much more than i'll ever know. It makes me want to live a good life. It makes me want to make you proud of me. You are an inspiriation to me nana. I want to be old and wise and kind like you. I want to sit at the breakfast table with my husband and pray for my family. I want to pray for my grandkids before they drive home like you and buppa. I want to care so much about my grandkids that I'd do anything for them. I want to know my bible inside and out like you do. I want to love my husband and be the best wife for him. I want to love Jesus as much as you do. I want my grandkids to love me as much as yours love you.

I love you nana!






Dear Momma Bear.
Today at my interview for the bridge I had to say who is the most influential person in my life. I said you. I told them how proud i was that you are my mom. How you live a life that makes people want to know whats different about you. How you sit at your desk at night and do you bible studies. How you desire to know more and how you desire for me to know more. How you've stuck by dad through thick and thin. How you fight for what is right. How you hate injustice. How you've taught me how to take correction. How you've taught me about unconditional love. How you've taught me to learn from my mistakes. How you've taught me to be kind. How you've given me a love for bible memory. How you've supported me and listened to me and prayed for me. How you let me talk about africa till i'm blue in the face. How you love sophie like i love sophie. How i could come to you with anything and you will love me and accept me. How you sit with me when i'm panicking and you are quiet and you pray for me. How you read books that important to me just because they are important to me.
I love you marmie!

An overdue breakdown.

I write in a journal for Sophie sometimes. It helps me to get my feelings down on paper and to write through what i'm feeling. Yesterday my roommate and awesome pal bea, got an apology she'd be waiting and wanting to hear for a long time and after hearing and seeing how happy she was, i just broke down.

We were both sitting on the couch and she was emailing and iw as reading my bible and writing in my journal (s) and i was just so happy for her but as soon as that happy feeling came, i got extrememly sad and burst out sobbing for sophie.


May 28,2008
Do you know how long i've loved you? Since september 9th, 2006. 605 days. I was terrified and overwhelmed and you made it worse because in the moment when i looked in your eyes, you stole me. Its been 605 days and with every day that passes i think about you.......

How do i explain you? Do i tell people that yes, i do have a daughter. She is 4 with the biggest brown eyes and a deep laugh. She loves clothes and greasy chicken and doesn't really like tv. She doesn't look like me but she sure acts like me. Do i tell people, No i don't have a daughter. I"m 23, a stduent, with debt and i'm being rational? That i need more education, more money, more time befor eyou are mine? Maybe you are only supposed to be mine for those 10 months.....


Inside your body i imagine a struggle. Outside you are calm. You are quiet. Inside you are loud and messy and sore. OUtside you are simple. Inside my body is simple and clean and quiet. I would trade you........

I imagine for you a lot. Many times i dream for you. i don't want a white life for you. You are African and Uganda and i want you to grow up eating matoke and fetching water and taking tea. You will have few clothes and few shoes but you will have enough. You will have a simple life and you will be happy. You will grow up knowing your neighbors. You will know your pastor and he will rebuke you when you do wrong. YOu will have many to teach you and much to learn.....

I told God i wouldn't leave you. He said he wouldn't either. He said suubi. He said hope. for you. for me.

explosions in the sky

Yesterday night was probably one of the funnest i've had in a long time. And funny thing is....it hasn't really ended yet. let me explain.


last night at around 8ish i went to the bridge to get a feel for the place, hang out with the youth and just kinda chill. I played a lot of guitar hero with little luck at breaking the 40,000 dollar barrier and a ton of mario kart which i'm a pro at. Except that i got 8th place almost ever race.

So after everyone debriefed and stuff we headed over the this resturant type place called "the night kitchen". aptly named since its open till super late (or early) at night (or morning). I got these pizza that had sweet potato and regular potato on it and thats it. weird i know. but magic with creamy garlic dipping sauce. ok so anyway.

we got out of the night kitchen and headed back to our house around 12:30am. We started playing Wii and doing fitness tests and were having a ton of fun. around 3am we started watching you tube videos of people breaking their bones. then steve had the great idea of checking out the abandonded school thats like 5 houses down from us. long story short (bethany- start laughing now) i fell through a window thing and broke both my knees as i graced the cement floor below me. i'm not even kidding you- if there is something to fall into, to trip over, i will trip/fall into/over it.

at 4 am i was running on empty and jenn steve and jordan heading downtown to get coffee and roof hop. they watched the sunrise from the roof of the brant building and had a sweet prayer session as the sun was rising (can i say that i love my friends?).


10am this morning i get woken up by the 3 of them jumping onto me in bed and then we went to church together!

ok let me tell you about this church. its called the third space, and its really non traditional, and really chill, and really cool. Its in this old church but there are no pews and no "worship" in the shout to the Lord type song, hands raised eyes closed kind of worship but worship in the fellowship and communion and learning worship something. we sat around tables and i propped my feet up and drank my coffee and soaked it in. the "pastor" stood at the front while we ate breakfast and coffee and we actually said prayer requests and then prayed for them on the spot. they are going through this book called "the irresistable revoluntion- living as an ordinary radical" by Shane Claiborne (erin- this is a book for YOU!) and we kinda just chatted about the chapter that everyone had read sweet stuff. it was cool.

right now jordan and brad are playing baseball on Wii and steve is sleeping on the couch. Jenn is making lamb roast for our dinner party tonight, bea is doing homework and i'm doing my chem assignment.

i love my life.

hows THIS for providence!

Ok so i moved to this new province and city right? And all along the way God's been kinda giving me these sweet little taps on my shoulder just to let me know he's got it all under control. He knows i'm a worrier and that i have anxiety about a million things and will often be up at night going over something random and insignifcant from the day making sure i did the right thing. So sometimes he just gives me these little treats and says "hey ames, right here beside here, just hanging out keeping you safe and on track".

Today me and roomie Bea went to The Bridge where she volunteers and where I will too after my sweet volunteer training night tonight. So my house decided that since its right down the road from us, like a 3 minute walk, that we would cook dinner and just have the staff over to hang out and appreciate them for all they're doing for the youth of P-town. We go this afternoon and no one is really there are first but there's this guy and he's wearing OBVIOSULY african material on his shirt (all you africa lovers know exactly what i'm talking about). Its the kind of shirt you'd spot a mile away. So of course i asked him where he got it and all that good stuff.

Turns out he got it in west africa, just got back from South Africa and is the head guy or something for Youth For Christ and a big part of his job is finding workers from HERE to go work for YFC THERE. HOW COOL!!!!!!!! He gave me his card and we talked for a long time and i told him about UG and all that good stuff.

I said "do you really have use for nurses though?" and he said "the awesome thing abotu YFC is that we don't try to fit you into our box. We look at your skill set and see where YOU'd best fit with us! We have tons of Aids programs all over the world that many nurses and working with....." and it just went on and on.

And I said "Alright Lord! I get it. You want me here. This is where i'm supposed to be! Also your so cool!"


and imagine.....what if i hadn't dated that guy waaaay back in bible school for so long and got to know his family? What if i hadn't met his uncle who is the DIRECTOR of YFC in Ptown where i live?

Gods got this whole "taking care of business" thing DOWN!

I miss..........

................this little guy waking up at 6 in the morning!
...........hanging out with these 2 girls in Ellen's room and watching Rach wear air cast shoes.
........getting out of a car after being in it for 5 minutes and having sweat soak through my shorts!
.........buying food and other goods like toilet paper, eclairs, water in a baggie or laundry soap form a shop like this.
....................finding a ton of photos on my camera of this person.

i should write a book.

my life is SO random. i have a very very weird life.

i had a dream the other night and if bethany kanhoffen is reading this i can already picture her sighing and clicking the red x in the top right corner of her screen. she is not my dreams' biggest fan.

you see...i have these really intesnse, really life like, really ridiculously detailed dreams. and i wake up and like to tell people. bethany would HATE listening to me tell them because she said -and i quote- "your dreams are one big detail and nothing ever happens and so i sit there for 10 minutes while you describe the socks you were wearing in it."

but last night i had this dream.

i was at the west edmonton mall skating with this guy i just met (from my real life) and my roommate tori and my niece ava. this guy was doing all these sweet tricks and i was getting mad at tori because she couldn't tell me what they were called and i kept asking "is that a sow cow?" (i dont know how to spell that properly). Then this guy comes over to me and says that will smith and david beckham are skating on the rink with their kids and so i zoom over to where the supposed celebrities are and i'm doing all these really sweet stops which is cool cause i just learned how to stop in hockey skates last year or so. Turns out it wasn't will smith or david beckham and then all of a sudden i'm on this cliff face with the entire cast of Surivor Gabon and I'm watching them scoot across this massive cliff holding onto this thick twine with only their hands and their feet are dangling with 100 feet of nothing between them and the rocks below. They all get across and get on these elephants that are trying to stay on the rock but its like a giant cliff so some slip and fall down the cliff with the survivor contestants on their backs still. I make it across and all of a sudden i'm in this elevator with this muslim woman. but its not just any elevator. its the elevator from my friend krista's apartment building and this woman has her 8ish year old son and her husband who doens't talk with her. so this little boy is trying to talk to me and i can't undestand him but i notice that the lady has a plastic bag full of books so i look and say " oh!!!! are you reading infidel?! thats SUCH a good book i love it!" and she takes the book out and its the exact same cover as infidel but with a different woman and she says "no!"

and then......!!!!!!!1

I'm in Niger and saying it "neeejere" instead of "nigh jer" like i'm all up on how to say that country other than from what i heard anderson cooper call it a couple years back when the famine was there. and i'm talking to bethany on my phone telling her i've been to tanzania and niger within like 4 hours of eachother. and it was so weird. so i go back home and my mom and her friend shawna are sitting on our veranda (except we dont have a veranda) and they are both wrapped in fleece blankets (i hate fleece blankets especially bethany's that she wraps around her pillow each night) with big slippers and mugs of tea watching the rain. And i tell my mom and she doesn't really care.

Then i wake up for real cause my roommate jenn woke me up for some reason and i said ...." OH MY GOODNESS JENN!!! I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST DREAM!" and she said "oh really amy? what was it about?"



and 15 minutes later her eyes are glazed over and she looks like she's sleeping standing up and i'm pretty sure she's never going to ask me what my dream was about again.


but i'm thinking that i should make a blog devoted soley to my dreams and i could call it something cool.

my linguistics prof would have a fit if she saw the sentance structure in this post.

An Ode to the Mollieroontoonsmcgoons.

I have a best friend. Her name is Bethany. I also have a best cuzzie. Her name is Mollie. I love the both and i love them the same and i love them different. but the same still.

This is an ode to mollie.

One time mollie took my car ( black beauty) and drove it up against a fence and scraped beauty's haunches.

One time me and mollie went to extreme pita and i asked for a lot of lettuce because i LOVE lettuce and the manager got mad at me and was really rude and told me it wouldnt fit. then he asked if i wanted salt and pepper and mollie said she wasn't sure it would fit. and the owner followed us outside and yelled at us and told us not to come back. and we yelled FINE BECAUSE WE ARE MOVING TO TORONTO TOMOROW ANYWAY!

One time me and mollie went to mcdonalds and ate the amount of food 5 construction workers would eat.

One time me and mollie went to a john mayer concert and took photos with a dead deer on the way home and told everyone we knew that we had driven over it.

One time me and mollie spoke in accents all day to eachother.

One time me and mollie went to this fair on my 22nd birthday and almost barfed because the ride was spinning so fast.

One time me and mollie worked with this guy who's girlfriend had 2 bunnies on leashes.

One time i told people i loved to go to sleep to the sound of hamsters running in their wheels and mollie laughed really hard.

A lot of times me and mollie meow'ed to songs on the radios and video tapped ourselves with the camera on the dashboard which we drove.

One time me and mollie went on a run and ended up running to 7-11, buying slurpee's 2 bags of chips EACH, walking back home and cutting through some random person's sketchy backyard broken down fence.

One time me and mollie found this really dirty urine-y dog and brought it home adn then to the police station.

One time me and mollie called the bylaw officer and told him our neighbors could hide a family of baby deer in their front lawn.

One time me and mollie babysat my neice and nephew and after they had gone to bed, we played rockband for 3 solid hours.

One time me and mollie were at her dad's and talked about my neice ava for like 3 hours and could not stop laughing.

One time me and mollie decorated the ice cream store for our amazing bosses as a going away present.

One time me and mollie went to a white trash party and looked SO HOT!

One time we went to capital Ex and videotapped ourselves on every single ride.

Every day at work me and mollie would make up dance moves in front of the big windows at the ice cream store and people would look at us like we were nuts.

One time me and mollie nailed tarps to the roof of my garage for my huge africa fundraiser.

One time me and mollie made up a really funny nickname.

Everytime with mollie is fun. and I love her. and i miss here.
and here is my ode to her.
you better comment mollie.